Ten negative thoughts, ten rebuttals
I have always been immensely, cruelly tough on myself. Not in a cute Sad Girl way. And certainly not in an ambitious, I-just-know-I’m-destined-for-success kind of way either. Think more irrational, messy, anxiety-fueled.
I begin almost every single day filled with dread. I chip away at it gradually, hour by hour — through distractions, bouts of productivity, a hint of exercise and quality time with my husband — until I feel some semblance of normalcy and contentedness. By then it’s usually the end of the day and I have a brief window to breathe before I have to head to sleep and start all over again.
Though this has afflicted me for as long as I can remember, only in the past year have I made any sincere effort to counteract negative thought patterns and fundamentally ‘re-wire my brain’, in therapist speak. This morning, I woke up determined to look that dark pit of dread square in its monstrous eyes. So I jotted down each thought that is fueling it at this moment and listed a contradiction to each point. Here’s what I came up with.
Thoughts
- I’ve failed / am failing / will fail
- I am unworthy, unimportant and do not matter
- I don’t belong anywhere
- I am not good at anything
- I keep letting others down / disappointing people
- I act selfishly and without gratitude
- I am constantly embarrassing myself
- I am lazy — I don’t put the work in, which sets me back and makes me angrier with myself
- I don’t know how to spend/use my time in a way that’s true to myself, because I have been wrapped up in societal expectations for so long
- I don’t feel or seem impressive
Rebuttals
- Failure is impossible when you are in learn-and-grow mode
- You foster quality over quantity of relationships with people who love you and whom you love
- You are exactly where you need to be. Where you are right now is where you belong, but not where you will remain (belonging can be variable, not static)
- Capitalist values aside, skill level is not equivalent to worth…
